Most of us think of stress as something that happens to us due to external happenings, events and circumstances outside of ourselves that we cannot control. We do not like to think that we could possibly be the creators of our own stress. Yet, if we look at how two different people can respond to the same situation in two different ways, there is surely a correlation between the individual and their response? If we want to relieve stress, perhaps we need to take charge of our inner thoughts and start taking a more positive mental attitude.
Why is it that one person can feel completely overwhelmed and stressed out by a particular situation, and another is able to respond calmly and without anxiety?
The answer lies in our own minds. It is the little things that we tell ourselves about everything that happens to us and everything and everyone around us.
We all have an inner dialogue: that little voice that is constantly chattering away in our heads, telling us what we should do, what we shouldn’t do. Often this voice is self-critical. It’s the one that tells us that we look terrible when we look in the mirror or that there’s no way we’re going to pass that exam, or the one that says: “I’m hopeless at math!”
Where does this voice come from, and how does it have such an impact on our stress levels?
From the moment we are born, we are taking in experiences and we are learning how to think. When we are very young, we do not question what we are told by our parents or teachers. We have no way of filtering out what works and what doesn’t, we just believe what we are told to be true, and these ideas, values, beliefs and statements become our world view, whether they are negative or positive.
If you grew up with a background of difficulty this will affect the way you perceive things. If your parents had to deal with financial loss which caused dramatic changes, you may develop a fear around money, so that any difficulties you have later in life may occur to you as greater than they actually are.
Negative self talk makes things much worse. If you say to yourself that a situation is ‘difficult’ or ‘stressful’, you will actually create difficulty and stress. Positive or optimistic self talk might call the same situation ‘a challenge’, which suggests that it is solvable. Practising positive self talk on a regular basis has proven benefits for stress, health and productivity.
Your subconscious mind cannot differentiate between positive and negative, or what is the truth. It just believes everything you tell it, and responds accordingly. When you tell yourself that you can’t do something, you subconsciously stop looking for a way to do it.
Next time you find yourself thinking that something is too difficult, try asking yourself how you are going to do it, instead of saying that you can’t. Asking the question, ‘how?’ opens up your mind to solutions, whereas the latter closes it down.
If you need to relieve stress, try catching yourself in the act of negative thinking, and then change it to something more empowering. A positive mental attitude takes practice and time, but you can start to see results immediately, and this will increase as long as you practise every day.
One way of doing this on a profound level is through hypnotherapy. There are now CDs on the market that will take you through a form of self hypnosis and give you affirmations and visualisations that will go to your deep subconscious to relieve stress and other conditions and therefore have a more powerful effect.
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