If you’re one of the many females carrying around negative baggage, regarding sex, try to shrug off all those old ‘wives tales.’ Unfounded insecurities about sexuality, that some parents may have instilled deep within your being, have actually instilled sexual dysfunction.
Were you lead to believe that masturbation was a big NO, NO? I’m not advocating that masturbation should be displayed in the public eye, but masturbation certainly is enjoyable and natural. Certain areas of our bodies are ultimate stimulants, like the erogenous zone, clitoris, nipples, or sensitive skin along the inside of the legs. For crying out loud, I bet generations of women have masturbated health, and enjoyed it, too!
The editor of Babes in Toyland once explained the wonders of a woman’s body and sexuality. I enhanced that opinion and included some of my own thoughts and experiences. I hope you’ll, not only enjoy reading it, but that you’ll accept your sexuality, and experiment to realize just what a wonderful release and experience masturbation can be.
How many of you masturbate on regularly, and are your masturbation sessions are fulfilling? Ok, so that was technically two questions, but they do go hand in hand. I seems when girlfriends discuss sex and masturbation, about half of them say they do not masturbate or do not enjoy it when they do. I am appalled that my hip, educated and sensuous friends do not know how to render self-pleasure!
And, if you are not masturbating – why not? Do you feel that it is “wrong” or bad? Did your parents or some other influences, in your life, tell you it was dirty? Or, do you have a partner now, and think that it is or should be no longer necessary? Or, are unfulfilled and let down when you masturbate? Do you think it’s a lot of work for not much of a bang? These are just a few of the reasons ‘Ive heard from my friends, and read on discussion boards. They might seem to be valid reasons, but, really they aren’t.
Masturbation has been proven (clinically and medically) to be natural, healthy, and physically beneficial to men and women.
Why? Well, when we masturbate the orgasm that happens releases a hormonal rush which, ultimately, produces a calming, stress-relieving effect. Masturbation, also helps to keep our bodies tuned – and allows us to connect with our sensuality and sexuality. How are we going to communicate what we like with our lovers, if we don’t know how to pleasure ourselves?
This article will, hopefully, help to dispel some misconceptions about masturbation, and provide some helpful hints, tips and techniques for female masturbation. Even if you do masturbate, you might be doing it wrong (yes, I said wrong), or you might find more ways to enjoy your self-pleasuring. So, take notes ladies, this might be the best class you will ever take!
SEXUAL SINS
Many men and women feel that masturbation is wrong because of a strict religious background and upbringing – mainly Catholicism. I could go on and on about this subject, and include statements from Bible passages that clearly exclaim admiration of one’s own body, and nurturing the sexual spirit is, in fact, acceptable.
Masturbation arousal is the safest sex you can have. It is not religiously wrong, nor is it against God. However, if you were conditioned to believe that masturbation is wrong, it might take more than a few words to make you feel better about it.
The basic premise of our life on earth is to do things that make us happy and content, while being good, productive human beings – and masturbation does indeed help us to do that. It helps relieve pressures, teaches us about our bodies, and prepares us for a satisfying love life with a partner. There is nothing against God in those notions.
CAUGHT WITH YOUR HAND DOWN YOUR PANTIES
Perhaps you are one of the many guys or gals who were caught in the act of masturbation. Admittedly, this can be humiliating, it’s not your problem to deal with. Masturbation is a natural part of adolescence, and how a parent deals with this can frame that child’s sexual identity forever. While it is, most definitely, a shock to open the bathroom door to find your child actively engaged in masturbation, it’s more important how that scenario is handled.
Some parents simply close the door, and perhaps talk to their child about masturbation, and invite an open dialogue with their child. Others get angry, upset, even disgusted. These parents are grossly misinformed on how to handle sex or masturbation. If you had a parent react in this negative way, then it is possible that you have a negative perception of masturbation. If your parent told you it was “wrong” or “dirty,” or that “good girls do not do that” – you may have a guilt complex when it comes to masturbation. You did nothing wrong, and any guilt you feel was your parent’s fault. Don’t continue to punish yourself for your parent’s bad call when it came to your sexual education.
I HAVE A MAN…
One of the most popular reasons women (and men) do not masturbate is because they now have a partner and feel like solo play is no longer necessary. Your masturbation times might be shortened or less frequent if you are having a healthy sex life with your partner, but masturbation is still essential in a happy relationship.
Contrary to what you may believe, masturbating while you are in a relationship does NOT indicate that you are unhappy, or that you are sexually dissatisfied. Actually, when you have more sex, hormones often kick into overdrive, and cause increased desire for sexual release. The urge to masturbate more may be the biggest sign that you are sexually fulfilled – not unfulfilled.
And, if you are comfortable with your body, and enjoy pleasing yourself, you will be more apt and able to explain to your lover how and where to touch you. Women that masturbate on a regular basis, know exactly how they want to be touched, at what pace, what pressure, and in which specific spots. This can change as our bodies change and we get older, so it’s important to know what we like NOW, as opposed to what we liked when we were 18.
It’s not uncommon for men to clueless about how to pleasure women. But, if the woman knows how to pleasure herself, she will be comfortable explaining and helping her man improve his technique. Being comfortable with sex and self pleasure can be the best thing you can do to enhance your sex life. So, ladies, even if you have a man, and a healthy sex life, do not give up on self pleasure, you need it, and so does your man!
ALL FOR NAUGHT…
Finally, perhaps you are one of the women who has tried and tried to achieve climax through masturbation, but were not able to do it. You think to yourself, “all this work and no reward, forget that!” Hey, I understand, why do something if you get no satisfaction from it. This final section will address this issue and suggest some tried and true tips, and techniques that should have you shuddering with pleasure during your next masturbation session.
It’s important to remember that every woman masturbates differently. It’s true. We might all use our fingers, or a toy of some sort, but overall individual approaches to masturbation is very different from the next woman’s. Therefore, these tips and techniques are designed to help you discover your own road to pleasure.
While all women do have different styles when it comes to masturbation, there is a common rule of thumb; the clitoris is the key to orgasm. Perhaps there are a select few women who can orgasm without clitoral stimulation, the statistics suggest that upwards of 85% of all women need this stimulation to orgasm. So, if you’re masturbating and not touching your clitoris, then you might have just found your answer!
TIPS AND TECHNIQUES
The first thing to remember, when it comes to masturbation, is to allow yourself time and privacy. While some women can masturbate to orgasm in a few minutes, I recommend that masturbation become a sort of ritual – a self-pleasuring ritual.
Rule #1:
Be comfortable: Get naked before you begin your masturbating session. Having your body completely accessible for play is the best way to go. And, the act of removing all your clothing can be arousing in and of itself.
Rule #2:
Privacy: Find a time and place when you can have as much ‘you’ time as you like without interruption from children or other obligations. Make sure you are secure and private, and can be naked without fear of someone walking into your space. Bathrooms and bathtubs can be good places for masturbation, especially if you have young children. But, the bathroom doesn’t necessarily offer comfort, such as a bed.
Rule #3:
Time: Along the same lines as rule #2, having the time to play is instrumental to let go of stress, and achieve that zen state that you so desire. Trying to fit masturbation in between dinner and bedtime is not the best thing to do; get private, alone time.
Rule #4:
Ambiance: Yes, it is just as important to surround yourself with soothing sounds, and sights, as it is to be naked and comfortable. Remember, you are seducing yourself, so lighting candles, playing music, and dimming the lights can do wonders for your arousal state. Or, if you enjoy adult entertainment, a sexual DVD might just get you ready, and give you some personal fantasy time.
Rule #5:
Patience: This is your time! Do not feel pressured to achieve orgasm in 2 minutes; play, touch, tease and tempt your body to orgasm. Do not put any high expectations on yourself. Relax!
Now, once you’ve achieved Rules 1-5, you can proceed to the enjoyment of masturbating. As I mentioned, the clitoris is a woman’s “hot button,” and this is true, but the last thing you should do is go directly there. Confused? Well, you see, if you go right for the clitoris you may have an orgasm, but all the prep-work is wasted and overlooked.
Instead, start by pleasuring your erogenous zones. Play with your breasts, pinch your nipples, run your fingers up and down your belly and thighs. Take time to touch yourself as you would imagine the best lover in the world would touch you. Close your eyes and feel your body come alive with each touch. Take time getting to your vaginal area. Enjoy the arousal time – you made the time – use it.
When you are ready to touch your vagina, try doing something different. Pull gently on your vaginal lips, run your fingers up and down your slit. Feel the moistness as you become more and more aroused. Open your labia (lips) with one hand, and feel around with your other. You might want to use a finger and gently insert it into your vagina. Do what feels good to you! When you feel aroused and don’t want to return, begin touching your clitoris.
SIDE BAR: This is an educational article, and I want to take a moment and describe exactly where the clitoris is located, just in case some of you who may be reading this are unfamiliar with its location. The clitoris is a small “button” that is located at the top of your vulva (top of vagina, toward the belly) that hides underneath your labia. The clitoris engorges with blood when you become aroused, and becomes a little more noticeable at this point. All women have different clitorises. Some are large, some are small, some are prominent, some are more hidden. Whatever type of clitoris you have, it’s the key to your arousal and satisfaction.
So, when you are ready, go ahead and touch your clitoris. Do not immediately begin rubbing it as hard as you can, delay the moment. The build-up can be almost as good as the orgasm, ladies! Rub it circular, or in up and down motions – whatever you like, and then stop. Pull your lips again, touch your breasts, finger yourself. Then, go back to your clitoris with more aggression. The idea is to seduce yourself into a frenzy.
When you feel like you are ready to finish and climax, try some of these tried and true techniques to finish:
Open your vaginal lips wide with one hand (this allows the clitoris to be more exposed, causing the skin around it to become tighter). As you hold yourself open with one hand, use the other hand to rub your clitoris directly. You may like your finger to rub and circle, or you might like using the whole palm. Do what feels good and switch it up,
Or, you can use the fingers of one hand, and insert one or two fingers of the other hand into your vagina – and all the while, rubbing and caressing your clitoris. Having something to insert (toy or fingers) can really add to the stimulation.
Think outside the box, and hold yourself open while lightly tapping on your vagina and clitoris. Once engorged, the clitoris becomes extremely sensitive, so light tapping can create a tremendous build-up and release. Try it, you just might like it, and then, you can share that secret with your lover!
The main commonality here is to do what you like, what feels good, and what will get you to climax the best. Not everything works for every woman, so experiment and try several techniques.
SEEING IS BELIEVING
If you’re a woman who is a bit naive about masturbation and her body (or even if you are not), this next suggestion might really enlighten you on the joys and mysteries of your body. This might seem strange at first, but it is something many, many women have done – including myself.
I suggest that after completing the masturbation rules, get a mirror (preferably full length), and position it where you can get a good view of your vaginal area. Take a moment to look at the beauty and uniqueness which is your private area. Open your vaginal lips, pull them and see how they stretch. Put a finger inside and see the wetness you produce. See if you can see your clitoris. It is all a mystery of human sexuality, and it is your mystery to unfold.
Then, while you masturbate, watch yourself! Watch how your vagina changes, swells, gets red and engorged with blood. Watch as your clitoris gets bigger and ready for climax. Watching the physiological change in your body as you pleasure yourself can be extremely enlightening and arousing. For many women, this can be one of the best ways to reach climax.
If you have a better understanding of what your body does when it is stimulated you can appreciate the delicate balance of touch and pressure. You can even relay this to your lover, or simply enjoy the miracle of arousal.
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